Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
holy, holy is He
Sing a new song
to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
is the Lord, God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything and I will adore You!

Clothed in rainbows of living color
Flashes of lightening, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
glory and power be
To You, the only wise King

I'm filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
at the mention of Your name
Jesus, Your name is power,breath and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery

I love this song.

I went to ICLV tonight. I've been going more often, I don't know what God's doing if anything but I feel like I should be there so I've been going. Simple. lol. I love it there. God is teaching me a lot about everything in life. I can't even begin to write it out right now. There's so much to say. Basically I'm just growing more in love with everything God is in my life... my eyes have been opened to things about myself that I didn't really notice before. I like attention. Sometimes I do things with the intent of getting attention. I don't like that about myself...'cause I don't want a single foothold for pride, all I want is to bring Jesus glory...so much... pride is something I despise....I haaaaate it and I hate that there's any of it in me, but honestly there is and I need God to weed that junk out.

There's a lot on my mind and on my heart. I definitely appreciate all and any prayers... also please pray for my boss and the people at my work, that I will be able to make a positive impact on their lives and be a vessel for the holy spirit. I don't know how much longer I'll be working there, and I want to leave having left a mark that might lead them closer to God... I want that so much, I don't want to let fear captivate me.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Suddenly, I don't fit where I used to. My 'puzzle piece' has shifted and I can't be shoved into the same spot anymore. I just don't fit.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I wonder where I'm going. How can one road seemingly stretch as far as the eye can see, yet I know its end will be as swift as one heartbeat...and as unpredictable as the weather? You hear on the news promises of clear skies, and moments later rain begins to drip. You never know. Where does my road lead? Is it even my road to begin with? Just because I'm walking on it that doesn't make it mine.

Lately I've been questioning, how long will I even be in the States? Sometimes I just want to get out. I don't want the life that my mother wants for me, as much as I love and respect her vision and her compassion. I don't want the life that so many people live without questioning. I don't know how long I'll be here... how long "here" will be here. I'm done caring what people percieve me as. My only concern needs to be pleasing the Lord, and being true to who I am - who He's created me to be. I don't want to wait until I'm 25 to live out the truth that what people think doesn't matter if it's different from what God thinks.

For a long time I thought I knew much more precisely where this road was headed... I hated it yet enjoyed the comfort. That's kind of how I feel about living in the states. There's so much that I hate about the mindset of this culture, yet I enjoy the comfort... but life isn't about being comfortable. If you want to grow, and you're not growing correctly where you're at - you have to be uprooted and planted somewhere new. Whether physical or spiritual, I know I'm going to be uprooted before too long... Lord, I trust your plan.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

"unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
in vain you rise early, and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat -
for He grants sleep to those he loves."
Psalm 127:1-2

God is in control, baby. I could try my hardest to succeed, but in the end, it's the Lord that makes a plan succeed or fail. I love him.

"look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:26

God is in control. He will take care of your needs, and some of your wants... in America, our culture is all about money - unless a venture is lucrative, it's not worth investing your time in. It's "OK" to spend all your money on Starbucks and eating out and buying expensive clothes. It's "OK" to send 'good thoughts' in the way of those who need help - and then turn back to your own life. This world is temporary! Nothing really matters! This life is a dream that sooner or later we're going to wake up from.

Although I most certainly don't live by ALL of his words, Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the changes you want to see in the world" - I think we need to live in that way. Don't bash the goverment for not doing more to aid the Hurricaine survivors when you are hardly doing anything yourself. Everyone dislikes a hypocrite, especially those who are hypocrites themselves. I am a hypocrite way more than I ever should be. I need God's power to help me to change... but we need to stop accepting mediocrity and our American self-centered values. "Acceptance is the first step towards recovery" - we need to accept the disgusting values we have held in the past. This life is temporary. It won't last forever.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Why is it that a girl can't seem get any help from a man she doesn't even know without him hitting on her?

I had a flat tire today (while on my way to pick up my mom from work, I might add...) - now, I'm perfectly able to change a flat tire, but:

1. I was wearing a white skirt.
2. I don't think I should have to change a tire by myself if there's someone around to help.
3. I was wearing a white skirt.
4. I was in a hurry.
5. It was a *brand new* white skirt.

Anyway. I asked for help.
He did the whole thing one handed, while talking on the phone... pretty impressive, I'm sure I would have looked much more strained.
After he finished, he got off the phone...I, of course, thanked him strongly. He asked my name. I figured "Well, OK, it's a fair question.", so I told him. However, then the conversation went like this...

RS=Random Stranger

RS: So, what are you doing now?
Me: Oh, I'm picking my mom up from work...
RS: What about after that?
Me: Umm. I don't know. Maybe going to church.

Maybe it's not the best thing, but when conversations with random men turn in "THAT" direction, I always try to bring up church so they hopefully know I'm not "THAT" kind of girl, and they get an idea of what kind of girl I am. I was infact considering going to church tonight.

RS: Oh, what church?
Me: *enter name of said big local church*
RS: Oh, where is that at?

The conversation went on for a few minutes - I couldn't be rude right? I mean, this guy had just gotten grease all over his hands from helping me out...

However, when he found out that I'm only 17, and then proceeded to try to give me his phone number, I was a little bit freaked out.

Sigh... and I still got grease on my white skirt.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

I lost my car in the parking lot at the mall.

For like, half an hour. No joke.
Dumb parking lots with a billion cars and two entrances that look identical. ;x

Afterwards I went and bought a keyboard & came home and played with it for 2 hours. Definitely makes things brighter :) but my feet hurt from walking around the parking lot for so long... oww

Here are a few pictures from Kristin's graduation last night! I'm so glad I got to be there (our car JUST barely got fixed in time)

Kristin, me, Shane, and David.

A rare tender brother and sister moment :) Everyone say "Awwwww"

Goodnight <3