Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I wonder where I'm going. How can one road seemingly stretch as far as the eye can see, yet I know its end will be as swift as one heartbeat...and as unpredictable as the weather? You hear on the news promises of clear skies, and moments later rain begins to drip. You never know. Where does my road lead? Is it even my road to begin with? Just because I'm walking on it that doesn't make it mine.

Lately I've been questioning, how long will I even be in the States? Sometimes I just want to get out. I don't want the life that my mother wants for me, as much as I love and respect her vision and her compassion. I don't want the life that so many people live without questioning. I don't know how long I'll be here... how long "here" will be here. I'm done caring what people percieve me as. My only concern needs to be pleasing the Lord, and being true to who I am - who He's created me to be. I don't want to wait until I'm 25 to live out the truth that what people think doesn't matter if it's different from what God thinks.

For a long time I thought I knew much more precisely where this road was headed... I hated it yet enjoyed the comfort. That's kind of how I feel about living in the states. There's so much that I hate about the mindset of this culture, yet I enjoy the comfort... but life isn't about being comfortable. If you want to grow, and you're not growing correctly where you're at - you have to be uprooted and planted somewhere new. Whether physical or spiritual, I know I'm going to be uprooted before too long... Lord, I trust your plan.