ARIANE BEE

2006-07-13T00:12:00.000-07:00

I have been growing so much in the last few months - like crazy. On every level aside from the physical. It's funny how there are seasons like that. Seasons of drought and seasons of rain. Seasons where you feel dried out like nothing's happening and seasons where you learn everything you missed in the dry season seemingly all at once.

Last night I had a funny realization. You must know - lately I've had a lot of "dreams" and scary "daydreams before bed" about scary spiders the size of my head living in my bedroom and trying to eat me (shudder). In a physical sense, that's pretty much impossible unless it was a spider on experimental comic book-like sterioids. In a real sense, however - it's amazing how much damage certain types of spiders can do. The Camel Spider, Flesh Eating Spider, Black Widow... so so small in comparison to me, yet their poisons and capabilities are so harmful.
What I felt like God was showing me is that there are a lot of things in our lives that are seemingly small but effect us in huge ways. Whether it's some sort of TV, music, credit cards, certain friends, karaoke, buffets, I don't know - there are a lot of "poisons" we let in because we see them as small and aren't looking for danger. Everyone has different weaknesses.
I'm hecka never going to live in a hole away from all the world - but what God's been showing me lately is that there are things I have overlooked in my life - especially things like the entertainment I choose (TV, movies, music, etc) that feed negativity and/or temptation into my life. Things I've just about immersed myself in.

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive." 1 Corinthians 10:23

Is it all-out wrong to watch MTV or listen to rap or whatever else you've heard people say? No way, I don't think so. Everyone is weak in different areas, but we are ALL weak in some area. What I need help in learning to do is to weed out what's not beneficial. I don't want only what's permissible - that's not the life for me.

What are the spiders in your life?
Mine (a few): tv, radio, lust, wasting money.

2006-07-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

I love days like this when you laugh so hard and can't remember why the next day. :]

Big sale at work started yesterday - I only got one thing (so far) & gasp, I have a deadline. I'm making something to wear on the beach trip in less than 2 weeks. Can I do it? I hope so, or I'll be wearing a half finished sweater over something else ;) More details later.

2006-07-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

written by me, when I was 4 & learning how to read:

i luv mi cat (i love my cat)
becus he is nis too me (because he is nice to me)
i lik mi cat (i like my cat)
mi der cat (my dear cat)
mi poolr ber (my polar bear)
mi day alon (my day alone)
mi vakshin (my vacation)
mi tev (my t.v.)
my noo haoos (my new house)

I love the innocent imagination of little kids... ignorance of simple things like spelling and grammar :) hah. spelling phonetically is the way to go, right?

2006-06-27T23:54:00.000-07:00

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
holy, holy is He
Sing a new song
to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
is the Lord, God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything and I will adore You!

Clothed in rainbows of living color
Flashes of lightening, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
glory and power be
To You, the only wise King

I'm filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
at the mention of Your name
Jesus, Your name is power,breath and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery

I love this song.

I went to ICLV tonight. I've been going more often, I don't know what God's doing if anything but I feel like I should be there so I've been going. Simple. lol. I love it there. God is teaching me a lot about everything in life. I can't even begin to write it out right now. There's so much to say. Basically I'm just growing more in love with everything God is in my life... my eyes have been opened to things about myself that I didn't really notice before. I like attention. Sometimes I do things with the intent of getting attention. I don't like that about myself...'cause I don't want a single foothold for pride, all I want is to bring Jesus glory...so much... pride is something I despise....I haaaaate it and I hate that there's any of it in me, but honestly there is and I need God to weed that junk out.

There's a lot on my mind and on my heart. I definitely appreciate all and any prayers... also please pray for my boss and the people at my work, that I will be able to make a positive impact on their lives and be a vessel for the holy spirit. I don't know how much longer I'll be working there, and I want to leave having left a mark that might lead them closer to God... I want that so much, I don't want to let fear captivate me.

2006-06-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I don't fit where I used to. My 'puzzle piece' has shifted and I can't be shoved into the same spot anymore. I just don't fit.

2006-06-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

I wonder where I'm going. How can one road seemingly stretch as far as the eye can see, yet I know its end will be as swift as one heartbeat...and as unpredictable as the weather? You hear on the news promises of clear skies, and moments later rain begins to drip. You never know. Where does my road lead? Is it even my road to begin with? Just because I'm walking on it that doesn't make it mine.

Lately I've been questioning, how long will I even be in the States? Sometimes I just want to get out. I don't want the life that my mother wants for me, as much as I love and respect her vision and her compassion. I don't want the life that so many people live without questioning. I don't know how long I'll be here... how long "here" will be here. I'm done caring what people percieve me as. My only concern needs to be pleasing the Lord, and being true to who I am - who He's created me to be. I don't want to wait until I'm 25 to live out the truth that what people think doesn't matter if it's different from what God thinks.

For a long time I thought I knew much more precisely where this road was headed... I hated it yet enjoyed the comfort. That's kind of how I feel about living in the states. There's so much that I hate about the mindset of this culture, yet I enjoy the comfort... but life isn't about being comfortable. If you want to grow, and you're not growing correctly where you're at - you have to be uprooted and planted somewhere new. Whether physical or spiritual, I know I'm going to be uprooted before too long... Lord, I trust your plan.

2006-06-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

"unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
in vain you rise early, and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat -
for He grants sleep to those he loves."
Psalm 127:1-2

God is in control, baby. I could try my hardest to succeed, but in the end, it's the Lord that makes a plan succeed or fail. I love him.

"look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:26

God is in control. He will take care of your needs, and some of your wants... in America, our culture is all about money - unless a venture is lucrative, it's not worth investing your time in. It's "OK" to spend all your money on Starbucks and eating out and buying expensive clothes. It's "OK" to send 'good thoughts' in the way of those who need help - and then turn back to your own life. This world is temporary! Nothing really matters! This life is a dream that sooner or later we're going to wake up from.

Although I most certainly don't live by ALL of his words, Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the changes you want to see in the world" - I think we need to live in that way. Don't bash the goverment for not doing more to aid the Hurricaine survivors when you are hardly doing anything yourself. Everyone dislikes a hypocrite, especially those who are hypocrites themselves. I am a hypocrite way more than I ever should be. I need God's power to help me to change... but we need to stop accepting mediocrity and our American self-centered values. "Acceptance is the first step towards recovery" - we need to accept the disgusting values we have held in the past. This life is temporary. It won't last forever.

2006-06-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

Why is it that a girl can't seem get any help from a man she doesn't even know without him hitting on her?

I had a flat tire today (while on my way to pick up my mom from work, I might add...) - now, I'm perfectly able to change a flat tire, but:

1. I was wearing a white skirt.
2. I don't think I should have to change a tire by myself if there's someone around to help.
3. I was wearing a white skirt.
4. I was in a hurry.
5. It was a *brand new* white skirt.

Anyway. I asked for help.
He did the whole thing one handed, while talking on the phone... pretty impressive, I'm sure I would have looked much more strained.
After he finished, he got off the phone...I, of course, thanked him strongly. He asked my name. I figured "Well, OK, it's a fair question.", so I told him. However, then the conversation went like this...

RS=Random Stranger

RS: So, what are you doing now?
Me: Oh, I'm picking my mom up from work...
RS: What about after that?
Me: Umm. I don't know. Maybe going to church.

Maybe it's not the best thing, but when conversations with random men turn in "THAT" direction, I always try to bring up church so they hopefully know I'm not "THAT" kind of girl, and they get an idea of what kind of girl I am. I was infact considering going to church tonight.

RS: Oh, what church?
Me: *enter name of said big local church*
RS: Oh, where is that at?

The conversation went on for a few minutes - I couldn't be rude right? I mean, this guy had just gotten grease all over his hands from helping me out...

However, when he found out that I'm only 17, and then proceeded to try to give me his phone number, I was a little bit freaked out.

Sigh... and I still got grease on my white skirt.

2006-06-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

I lost my car in the parking lot at the mall.

For like, half an hour. No joke.
Dumb parking lots with a billion cars and two entrances that look identical. ;x

Afterwards I went and bought a keyboard & came home and played with it for 2 hours. Definitely makes things brighter :) but my feet hurt from walking around the parking lot for so long... oww

Here are a few pictures from Kristin's graduation last night! I'm so glad I got to be there (our car JUST barely got fixed in time)

Kristin, me, Shane, and David.

A rare tender brother and sister moment :) Everyone say "Awwwww"

Goodnight <3

2006-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Diamond Lace Cardie

Diamond Lace Cardie
Yarn: Jaeger Aqua, color 315, 6 balls
Needles: Addi Turbo 32" #7
Pattern: my own

I love this little number. I've been saying since I finished, to anyone close enough to listen, "I'm going to wear this everyday for a month."
I'm still deliberating whether I should write up the pattern for sale or not. If I do, I'll make another and jot down more sensible instructions as I go, as opposed to the 6 or 7 pages of scribbled notes I have now.

I may just have to make another one anyway, because I *love* this sweater. The yarn? Another favourite. I'm developing ideas for a project with its lighter weight cousin, Jaeger Siena... a long sleeved, lacy v-neck to wear over a solid color tank. Hmmmm.....

Diamond Lace Cardie in action.

2006-05-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

What's been on the needles?

Preview...

Stay tuned...

2006-05-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

I love:

Being goofy

Being tan(ner than Kristin. haha jk)

Watching Shane 'be Kristin'

'Being Kristin'

Watching Paul 'be Kristin'

Taking pictures with Paul 'being Kristin'

Taking pictures with Shane 'being Kristin'

Paul looking like Harry Potter

The end for now. Adios gordita/o mia.

P.S; teaching two of the sweetest little girls how to knit, is precious. The end.

2006-05-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am filled with hope for the future.

"yeah baby"

2006-05-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

I asked my mom what she wanted for Mother's Day, and her answer was what it always is - "Socks."
Being that the second sock to the pair I'm knitting for her - erm :COUGH:christmaspresent2005:/COUGH: still isn't done ;X, and I'm limited (not having a car) to stores in close proximity - I had to come to more creative solutions.
So, I'm making The Best Card in the Universe. Yeah, it's official. The supplies cost an arm and a leg - but it's going to be The Best Card in the Universe. I bought scrapbooking supplies and cardstock, and I'm adding embellishments (lace, beaded things, and a button "You're as cute as a button" - yeah it's corny ;)) - my mom will love it. I'm also planning on cooking dinner for her or ordering out, and I rented a bunch of movies so we can hang out and watch those :) I love my mama.

Despite having worked a 5-day week, and having to take the bus today (I left at 7:30am and got home at 4:45pm) - I ran on the treadmill when I got home. Mmmhmm. I love running. I love getting all sweaty and having my heart race. It's the best.

I definitely have things to do. Let me just say, though, that I went to a prayer meeting at my pastor's house last night, and it was good. God is teaching me a ton about not "casting my pearls before swine" (matt 7:6)...about respecting myself and those around me, and not giving way to pride. I am really prideful sometimes (a LOT of times)...it's the thing I struggle with the most, and I'm trying to refrain from doing the things I fall into that allow me to do that. It definitely pulls me away from God and I hate it so much. He's my Rock, and without him everything sucks, to be blunt!

Peace like a river. ;)

2006-05-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Days like today, God loves to remind me how temporary life is and that "Everything is meaningless." (ecclesiastes).

Why do I get so caught up in things that don't matter? Life is temporary. Life after death, eternal.

I wish I were as patient as God is with me. Truly, he definitely deserves about a billion gold stars for that. Patience to the max. Lord, I love you way more than a fat kid loves cake.

2006-05-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm officially done with highschool.

oh
my
goodness

kdjfoidsjfoidj. What else is there to say?? Life passes by SO. FAST... and now there's so much to do before I start up school again in the fall (God willing of course)...

and now, I can actually breathe for a moment. We got our car fixed Sunday afternoon - YIPPEE. I haven't driven it yet, because today was my day off and my mom had the car - but tomorrow, I'll be especially thankful when I get home at 3PM instead of 4:30, and when I don't have to be on the bus at 7:30AM :) Thank you Jesus.

ps; I'm making a bunch of supercute baby sweaters & things for a certain friend who is expecting a surely supercute babe in the fall. Baby things are relatively quick (unless you tend to pick out complex patterns like me) and fun and so stinkin' cute.
See here:

Ooh la la. Have a superb week.

2006-05-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

So I've gotta say, life is pretty crazy... constantly changing, seemingly never ending, rough at times... but God is hecka good through it all - wayyyy more than I could ever deserve.

I haven't taken pictures in a billion years, I'll post some when I take them.

after ten billion pictures, you'd be finding ways to entertain yourself, too ;)

Peace